What is The Crouton Club?

This is a question I have never been asked.

The Crouton Club is the group of loyal Scared of Saladians (sah-lodd-ee-unns) who Like me on Facebook. There’s only one benefit to being in the Crouton Club and that’s (something here when I think of benefits). Oh, the Friend Request Program!!! That’s like Friends with Benefits, but the benefits are cartoons instead of sex.

You’re probably asking, “But, how do I like things?”

Well, that’s not as easy to answer as it was a few years ago, when “liking” was a sincere, but basic human emotion that communicated one’s enjoyment of things. Nowadays, when you “like” something, it involves pressing a button on Facebook, the government’s personal identity management system. This communicates your affection for things and records it in a giant database, where it can be used against you in a court of law and/or to sell you shit/valuable services like Lasik eye surgery and modular homes. Press that button!